the criminality of goats

the latest from nigeria:

“Police arrest goat accused of armed robbery”

“Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

“Vigilantes seized the black and white goat, saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into an animal to escape after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

“‘The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them.

“‘However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat,’ Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed said.

“‘We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody….'”

(if you read the rest of the article, you’ll see that the police are not 100% convinced about the criminal-turns-into-goat tail tale. thankfully!)

this story reminded me of the animal trials which happened in medieval europe. yes, you read that right — animals on trial:

“Animals and insects faced the possibility of criminal charges for several centuries across many parts of Europe. The earliest extant record of an animal trial is the execution of a pig in 1266 at Fontenay-aux-Roses. Such trials remained part of several legal systems until the 18th century.

“Defendant animals appeared before both church and secular courts, and the offences alleged against them ranged from murder to criminal damage. Human witnesses were often heard and in Ecclesiastical courts they were routinely provided with lawyers (this was not the case in secular courts, but for most of the period concerned, neither were human defendants). If convicted, it was usual for an animal to be executed, or exiled….

“Animals put on trial were almost invariably either domesticated ones (most often pigs, but also bulls, horses, and cows) or pests such as rats and weevils. Creatures that were suspected of being familiar spirits or complicit in acts of bestiality were also subjected to judicial punishment, such as burning at the stake, though few if any ever faced trial.”

thank god for the flynn effect!

(note: comments do not require an email. speaking of goats — see!)

boys will be boys

via not exactly rocket science:

“An oral masturbation was recorded when a male [Cape Ground Squirrel] sat with head lowered and an erect penis in his mouth, being stimulated with both mouth (fellatio) and forepaws (masturbation), while the lower torso moved forward and backwards in thrusting motions, finally culminating in an apparent ejaculation, after which the male appeared to consume the ejaculate.”